Many of us look at our children during church and think, “Why can’t you guys just sit still!?” Instead of sitting still, they squirm, wiggle, want to get water for the hundredth time, and loudly ask why no one is talking during prayer time. It’s easy to think they’re doing this because you’re a bad parent or your kids are bad kids. When in reality, kids are just squirmy and it’s simply a skill your family needs to work on.

Children’s attention spans vary drastically based on the individual and how old they are. There’s a rule of thumb that states a child’s attention span is their age plus one. For example, a three year old’s attention span is typically around four minutes.

Some of you might hear this and think, “That sounds about right. My kids can sit and engage for that long.” 

Others look at it and think, “You mean that in seconds right…?”

If you fit into the second group and your kids struggle to engage during church, don’t worry. It’s a skill they need to learn and I have 6 ways to help you.

Set Clear Guidelines Before Church

Setting clear expectations and guidelines is crucial for children. Regardless of age, they need to know what you want them to do and how you want them to behave.

On the way to church, talk as a family. Discuss what it should look like when your family goes into church, engages in worship, and/or listens to the message. After you set the stage for them, ask them to repeat it back to you. This helps you to know if they’re actually paying attention or if you’ve given them to many things to think about.

Keep age in mind when giving them your expectations. As younger kids, you need to give simple and clear guidelines. As they get older, you can add a little more.

Attention Fuels Undesired Behavior

When undesired behavior starts up, it’s easy to be embarrassed. You look around and don’t see other children acting this way and typically respond in one of two ways. You either start laughing or yelling.

The laughter isn’t always because it’s actually funny. Often times it’s because you don’t know what else to do. What happens when you laugh? Your kids think it’s actually funny and keep it going.

The other option is yelling. They do something naughty and you start quietly yelling. You know what I mean. The angry face, quiet (because you’re in church and can’t be loud) yell. Well, I hate to tell you, but have you ever heard of negative attention? It’s still attention. Giving attention to these behaviors encourages them to continue.

So what do you do?

As soon as your child starts to engage in inappropriate behavior, you need to remind them of the expectations. If they’re standing, point to the chair. If they’re talking, point to the stage where someone is talking. If they’re being loud, put your finger to your mouth.

If they continue, remove them from the situation. Take them to the lobby and remind them of the expectations. Removing them helps them understand you’re serious as well as make sure they are focusing with limited distractions.

Kids Need Practice

Practice makes perfect. Engaging during church is a skill. It’s the same for adults. We had to learn and are still learning how to have quiet time with God and listen during church. It takes time to learn those things. Kids are no different.

The more you go and the more you practice engaging in church as a family, the better they will become. It might mean you have to experience some rough Sundays before you can see the fruit from your hard work.

Don’t give up. Keep practicing every Sunday and throughout the week. One way you can practice at home is through structured activities. Have your kids sit at the table and work on a puzzle, read a story, color a coloring page, or listen to a story. All of this helps them to sit still for a certain amount of time and engage in an activity.

Start small. Experiment and see how long they can sit naturally. Start with that time. Then add a small amount. As soon as they master the new time, add more the following week.

Encourage Good Behavior

Encouragement is one of the most important parts of this process! Encourage your kids as they start to learn! They are going to be more willing and motivated if they feel you encouraging them and see how proud you are.

If you only focus on what they’re not doing, they’ll give up. Why would they want to keep going if they think they’re doing it all wrong.

Some kids will really struggle with this skill. That’s ok. FIND the successes. Even if it’s small and you’re just putting a positive spin on it. You WILL see the difference as you encourage your kids.

Encouragement breads success. Encourage your kids and they’ll want to try until they get it.

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Consider The WHY Behind The Behavior

There is always a reason behind your child’s behavior. If they’re talking and getting distracted during church, you need to help them focus. Their minds are running in different directions and need something to help them focus on the task at hand.

If they’re squirming in their seats, they might have to much energy they should have ran off before church.

Look at what your children are actually doing and try to find the reason behind it. It’s easy to just see the end result and focus on that, but it won’t change if you don’t focus on the actual root of the problem.

Redirect Their Attention Back To Church

You can do this by adding some sign language to worship songs. This helps them focus on the words to remember the sign and it makes it fun.

You can have them work on an activity sheet during the message. I’ve created an activity sheet just for you and your kids. It will help them to focus on parts of the message. When they go home, have them show you their sheet and ask them about it.

Brittany

Brittany loves children and has always had a passion to teach them about Jesus and get them excited about the Gospel. She has had experience as the children’s director for the last six years. During which, she was responsible for the creation of the curriculum used in the children’s classes, the leadership of ministry volunteers, and the discipleship of parents and children. Brittany will be responsible for everything KIDS on the blog!

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